skinny lil chicken legs

2 posts in 1 day--crazy I know! But honestly I havent had a ton to really post about...surprisingly by the 4th week of bedrest you are kinda tapped out w/ exciting news! haha Things are pretty mundane here at Good Sam-I've gotten into a pretty easy routine of eating, sleeping, showering and watching Lost on my computer haha Last night Donnie and I took another NICU tour (this time it was for Donnie since he missed the last one) and it was great! I will say it was a little better than last time simply because the nurse knew some better answers to my questions about carseats, pumping/feeding, etc. She was also very kind to ask alot of questions about where we were at and what our specific situation was--knowing how far along I am, that we have an IUGR baby she made to point out some things that would be more specific for when little buddy is born. We got to see a few babies that were close in size to what he will be which was helpful--let me tell you it is strange to look at a 1lb 13oz. preemie and think "wow! the baby inside of me is bigger than that!" and even to look at a 2lb 2oz. preemie and think "thats how big little buddy is right now! look at those arms and legs! thats what I feel punching/kicking me!"

I also got to see a baby what was intubated which I didnt see last time--this was good for me because I saw that it wasnt as scary/painful looking as I was expecting. For some reason I was just thinking about what an adult that is intubated looks like and it looks so rough and painful to have that huge tube down your throat I was sad and scared for little buddy but after seeing this preemie I realized "well duh, the intubation tube for a preemie is itty bitty"--like smaller than my IV tubing used to be--not so painful and scary looking so that was good to see. The nurse also gave me snoedel-Preemies are usually separated from their parents and kept on ventilators, heart monitors, and other medical equipment. Instead of being totally isolated from the touch of his parents, the baby in NICU can have the comfort and scent of his mother near him, slowly being released through the accompanying Snoedel, to ease the separation and continue the parent-to- baby bonding process.They are designed specifically to absorb and retain a mother’s (or father’s) scent (they are filled w/ lambs wool). Then when held or placed near a newborn or infant the scent is slowly released to comfort the baby, thus improving sleep. The nurse said they always give them to moms but when she went to look for one to show me another nurse told me they werent going to be giving them away for too much longer so they went ahead and gave me one in case they were out by the time I deliver. So nice!

Still no updates on what to expect for next week so for now we are just praying and working on preparing ourselves for what is next--I am still struggling some w/ letting go of some of my feelings of "missing out". I am so blessed to be pregnant, and to have made it this far--I need to keep that in perspective--some woman would give anything to trade positions with me right now--even w/ the sucky bedrest and other struggles. So really, I am BLESSED! But, I am sinful and I am human and I do feel sadness about some of this. I feel sadness that more than likely I wont get to experience what going into labor feels like, I feel sadness that I wont be able to share my labor stories w/ other moms and be able to relate to what contractions feel like, I am scared of what it will be like to go home w/o a baby--to leave my newborn in the care of strangers (though I know how loving the NICU nurses are and how big of a heart they have for these babies--I think to work somewhere like a NICU you definitely have to feel called to work with these precious little lives--so I feel confident in those nurses)...basically its just me working still on accepting God's plans and not my own...working on trusting in His sovereignty and knowing that there is purpose to ever experience--not just the ones that go "normally".

So this week has just been some mental preparation, sitting around, not too much going on--I did think in light of my post from earlier that I would put a few pics of what I am starring at all day, every day--I feel like I've moved in here! Seriously--

This is my bathroom door/the wall right in front of my bed, Donnie brought the circular picture frame from home and hung it on a pre-existing nail in the wall lol and Please note the BEAUTIFUL drawings I have recieved from my loving nephews: the one on the door is courtesy of Andrew and William and on the fridge is a painting done by William and a picture of a beautiful sunset done by John Patrick :-) I <3>

These are the baskets I keep within arms reach next to my bed: One is full of activity books, knitting, crafts, etc. and the other is full of food (candy, homemade muffins, apples, oranges, mints, chocolate, granola bars, peanut butter crackers, pretzels, etc.) I thought for sure after eating all this food that I would be a big fat fatty next time I got weighed but they weighed me this past Monday (it had been a month and a half since I last stepped on the scale) and I had only gained 1lb! I was shocked--completely and utterly shocked--but then I was saddened when I realized its from all my muscle deteriorating haha so while I havent "gained" I've definitely gotten, uhh, flabby :-( haha oh well I have being pregnant as an excuse so I will just go with that-but thanks again to everyone for all the generous gifts! It keeps me sane!

Lastly this to my right, next to the bathroom door--and yes those are CARDS lining the top of the shelves! I have recieved so many and LOVE getting them in the mail, Donnie brings me the mail everyday (including bills and junkmail which arent as fun) but there are also cards which I love! I am saving them all to put in a memory box for little buddy that will have a variety of things from my pregnancy--so he will get to look back and see how much you all loved him already! Also yes, that is gilmore girls and frasier dvds to keep me busy too :-)

And finally, this post wouldnt be complete without some presh pics of little buddy! This just might be, one of my favorite ultrasound pics so far--its of his leg (from knee down to his little 2 1/2 inch foot!) I love his skinny lil chicken leg! This picture just seems so vulnerable and little and uhh I cant wait to snuggle him!!!

This is another profile shot of his face--he is so cute already! Both of these pics were taken at a random ultrasound I had last Friday (it was just to check fluid, doppler flow and check for breathing motions--dont get too excited)