This is my short and sweet birth story for anyone who wants to know what happened but doesnt want to read all about placenta and afterbirth :-)
Monday March 1st-
9:45pm- Cervadil inserted to begin ripening my cervix- I was 1-2cm, 50% effaced and -1 station
10:00pm-membranes stripped which caused mild contractions and back pain
Tues March 2nd-
9:30am- removed cervadil 2cm, 70% effaced and -1 station
11:00am- started Pitocin on lowest dose (2)
3:00pm- Checked again, Pitocin dose was now at 20 (highest dose), still no regular contractions, continued back pain, membranes stripped again
3:30pm- got into birthing tub, contractions were now regular and strong 1min long 2 mins apart(meaning 1 minute break between each 1 minute long contraction)
6:00pm- Devon (my doula/sister) left briefly, I got out of the birthing tub, contractions were still 1 min long, 2 mins apart
7:45pm- Devon returned, checked again-4cm, 70% effaced -1 station contractions still 2 mins apart 1 min long
8:15pm- got in birth tub again, really strong contractions starting to get closer together
9:45pm- checked again still 4cm, 70% effaced
10:00pm- recieved Nubaine shot for pain management, contractions were now non-stop with no break in between each contraction
11:10pm- sat up to begin getting an Epidural
11:30pm- Epidural was placed--it takes 20-30 mins for the meds to begin working, still 4cm, 70% effaced
11:52pm- Checked again I was now 7-8cm and my midwife broke my water
11:56pm- checked again I was now 10cm, 100% effaced ready to go
Wed March 3rd-
12:02am- began pushing, I pushed 7 times, reached down and felt his head
12:13am- Nicholas is born!!
Monday, April 12, 2010
My Birth Story
***THIS IS THE LONG VERSION MY NEXT POST WILL BE THE CONDENSED "BARE BONES" DETAILS FOR ANYONE WHO DOESNT WANT TO READ THIS NOVEL***
Nicholas James Glenn
Born 3/3/2010 at 12:13am
3lbs 6.9oz & 15.5 inches long
**Words of caution: this birth story does contain medical phrases, body parts, etc. so if this makes you uncomfortable—don’t read haha**
I don’t know where to even begin in my birth story with Nicholas—my pregnancy was anything but easy with my experiences with hyperemesis gravidarum during weeks 5-16 of my pregnancy. My hyperemesis caused me to be on modified bed rest with 24/7 IV hydration, a zofran pump and home health care. I thankfully was given a “break” from all the crazy medical stuff during weeks 16-28—during this time I only had moderate nausea/vomiting, mild weight loss and was able to be active (meaning no bed rest, no IV pole, etc.) During this break we found that Nicholas was small for his gestational age and we were monitored closely—unfortunately his growth continued to drop lower and lower and at 28 weeks he was officially diagnosed with IUGR (intrauterine growth restriction) and I was admitted to Good Samaritan Hospital to be on strict bed rest. From weeks 28-37 I was on strict bed rest at the hospital and then was scheduled to be induced at 37 weeks (which is medically considered full term). At Nicholas’ last ultrasound (on Feb 16th) they guessed his weight to be 3lbs 7oz. and my induction was scheduled for two weeks later.
While I was on bed rest my prenatal care was transferred to the Maternal Fetal Medicine doctors at Good Sam which work with high-risk moms but thankfully we made it to full term and I was able to be transferred back to my midwives for my delivery. My induction began on Monday, March 1st. To start the induction they used a medication called cervadil-this works to ripen and thin out the cervix and prepare it for dilation and labor. I was originally going to be administered this at 9pm and stay on the special care OB floor (where I had been for the past 2 months). But since the midwives had no idea how my body or Nicholas would react to the cervadil they decided to go ahead and move me to the labor and delivery suite in case of an emergency. Devon (my sister and doula) and Donnie were with me as we packed up my room and headed over to L&D. I was really excited and wanting to get things going—I was so ready to meet my baby and to be that much closer to being off bed rest! They let me walk to L&D (which I hadn’t been allowed to do for 9 weeks!) When we got to L&D, my midwife Sue, explained the cervadil to me and put it in. Going into this induction I knew that there was a very high chance that my delivery would result in an emergency c-section as IUGR babies often don’t react well to labor. Donnie and I were really hoping to avoid a c-section, but we knew that the chances of having a successful vaginal delivery, let alone a med-free (pain med free) vaginal delivery were very slim. I had been praying that my body had naturally started to prepare itself for labor despite it being 3 weeks before my due date—when Sue checked me before putting the Cervadil in I was 1-2cm, 50% effaced and -1 station! I was so happy because I knew starting out at this point my chances of a successful induction were increased.
So at 10pm on Monday night the Cervadil was inserted (and Sue stripped my membranes which is often done to help jumpstart labor also) and I was given an ambien to help me sleep through the night (knowing that the plan was to start pitocin in the morning). At this point Devon went home, planning on coming back early the next morning—cervadil is a 12 hour long medication that sometimes needs to be administered more than once before it works. I could tell that it was working somewhat that night because I wasn’t able to sleep at all because it started very mild contractions and a lot of bad back pain (which was a foreshadowing to really bad back labor).
In the morning Sue’s shift was over and Kim, a different midwife, took over. At this point Devon came back and my other sister Kate came to work and was assigned me as a patient—having my sisters there as support made a HUGE difference in my labor experience and I will be forever grateful for their encouragement, support and love. At 9:30am Kim came and removed my cervadil and checked me again—I was at a solid 2cms of dilation, 70% effaced and -1 station—so some progress had been made but not much, but enough to start the Pitocin. Pitocin is a synthetic form of oxytocin which causes your body to contract. I was scared to start the Pit because it is known for causing really strong contractions and for making pain-med free labors much more difficult. I was still really hopeful on remaining pain-med free at this point. Kate begrudgingly started my pitocin (we joked that she had to be the ‘bad sister’—always coming to up my pitocin dosage to make stronger contractions while Devon got to be the ‘good sister’ who just sat and comforted me haha) So at 11am the pitocin was started on the lowest dose (2)—it could be increased up to the highest dose of 20. Unfortunately being on the lowest dose- it didn’t cause contractions so Kate had to continually up the dosage. During this time I walked the halls hoping that contractions would start, I had to be on the fetal monitor the entire time I was in labor (they put me on the monitors from the time they started the cervadil the night before) With Nicholas being so small and me having an anterior placenta the monitors did not like to stay on him. I had a difficult time finding positions that would allow him to stay on the monitor the entire time. By 3pm, Kim checked me again and I was at 3-4cm, 70% effaced and still -1 station. Kim also stripped my membranes again (which caused some contractions the last time it was done) Kate had the pitocin turned up to the maximum dose and this was when my labor really started. With the pitocin being so high when I started having contractions they were hard and close together—1 minute long, 2 minutes apart. I essentially would have a minute of rest between the contractions.
At this point I was still in early labor, I was excited that the contractions had actually started (even though they were really intense and close together). I was able to use my Bradley relaxation techniques to help with the pain. Devon and Donnie both encouraged me to breathe through each contraction, relax my entire body and just take one contraction at a time. I was still talking, joking, etc. at this point (a clear sign of early labor despite the close contractions). At 3:30pm Kate had the birthing tub brought into my room and I got into that. The birthing tub was a complete lifesaver for me! It dramatically helped my contractions (which were close and also in my back which was really painful). I labored in the tub until about 6pm. During this time I started to get a little more serious, not talking as much, but still managing fine. At 6pm, Devon left to briefly go home to put her son to bed (knowing I was still in early labor and it was going to be a while). I also got out of the tub at 6pm which was horrible. It was much more difficult to handle my contractions but I wanted to try some different positions to get him moving and to keep my labor going. At this point the contractions were intense but the minute long break between each contraction was enough to keep them manageable. I even joked that I didn’t understand why women get epidurals (haha this would come to bite me in the butt) having the break in between each one made it so that I was able to rest and prepare for the next one. At around 7:30pm Devon came back and at 7:45pm I was checked again. At this point the contractions were starting to get much more difficult and seemed to be closer together. When I was checked this time I was at 4cm, 70% effaced and still -1 station. This is when things began to get tough—the contractions were really intense in my back and the exhaustion of being up for over 24hours was kicking in. I was no longer joking, talking, etc. I could tell I was definitely in labor and moving through the stages (which is a good thing—not so fun when you’re in the moment though). At around 8:15pm I got into the birthing tub again hoping for the relief it provided last time—this time it didn’t help as much, the contractions started to get closer together and the breaks in-between seemed shorter and shorter. The breaks in between were shorter, my body (which coming into this labor was already worn down from 2 months of bed rest—my muscles were much weaker because of the lack of movement and my stamina was waning). I felt like I got the short end of the stick at this point—because of the bed rest I was weaker than normal, I hadn’t slept well in basically 2 months and I started to feel like I wouldn’t be able to manage much longer. I was convinced that I had to be farther along, the pressure was incredibly low and I was sure that I had to be close to transition since my contractions were non-stop.
This is when I began to ask for meds. I was so physically tired, my body did not want to cooperate and I was feeling desperate. I had been having intense, close together contractions for the past 6 hours and physically I knew I was close to the end of my rope. I got out of the tub at 9:45pm and was checked again. I could see the disappointment in Kim’s face when I asked how far along I was, surely I had progressed in the last 3 hours. I was still only 4cm dilated but I was about 80% effaced and he was as low as he could get. I didn’t understand how my body could be having these intense contractions with no break but not be further along. I was convinced that I was going to be in labor for at least a whole more night which I knew physically I wouldn’t be able to do. I needed rest and a break but it wasn’t going to happen. We discussed with Kim some of my pain management options—I was strongly against getting an epidural going into this but I also knew that I wasn’t progressing well on my own, the pitocin was at its highest dose and I was also scared that the longer I was in labor the higher chance there was that Nicholas would begin to be in distress from the intense contractions. Kim suggested we try Nubain—Nubain is supposed to promote rest and lessen the pain perception (basically make the pain more manageable). We decided to try this before going for an epidural. Now this is when it gets debatable. Everyone in the room says the Nubain had a dramatic effect on me but I felt like it did nothing. I still felt every contraction only the Nubain made me feel completely out of it. I felt like I was out of body—I was aware of what everyone was doing around me (Devon was reading a book and eating an apple, Donnie was trying to rest himself, Kate was watching the monitors, etc.) but I couldn’t interact at all—I felt each contraction and was able to moan in pain but I didn’t feel able to move my body, etc. It was not the relief I was hoping for and my contractions were one right after the next with no break. At around 10:40pm, the Nubain was wearing off enough that I told Donnie I really needed the epidural, we asked everyone to leave the room and we talked about it for a while and decided that if I was going to physically be able to handle a vaginal delivery the only way for me to do so was by getting an epidural. (Side note: Kate said that while she was in the hall w/ Kim waiting for our decision Kim was really hoping I would get the epidural because she knew I probably needed it to relax enough to continue progressing)
Kate and Kim called the anesthesiologist and he came at 11:00pm. I was not scared of the epidural but I was terrified that I wouldn’t be able to sit still enough (through my constant contractions) to have him place the epidural. I just remember leaning forward onto Kate’s shoulder sobbing—I was getting an epidural which I was so against but my labor needed it. I remember Krissy (my other sister) telling me before I was induced that it was really helpful for her to remember that God doesn’t give you more than you can handle. I just prayed—God I know I can’t handle anymore, please make this stop. I was somehow mentally able to force myself to sit still and relax while he was placing the epidural. I think during the 30 minutes it took for him to place the epidural I was relaxed enough to begin progressing.
By 11:30 the epidural was placed, I sat back and Kate started the meds (which take 20-30 minutes to begin working). This is when things started to get exciting—Kim checked me again at 11:52 because I was feeling kind of like I needed to push and I had other signposts that delivery was impending (bloody show, incredible pressure really low, etc.) When she checked me at 11:52 I had gone from 4cm to 7-8cm and at this point Kim decided it would be best to break my water in hopes that it would further progress things and my bag of water had been bulging for the past 6 hours or so. Apparently my bag of water was pretty strong because Kim said usually when its that bulging she can break it with just a prick of her finger but that didn’t work so she broke it using the hook. The sensation of my water breaking was crazy feeling and totally not what I was thinking it would feel like (earlier around 8:30 or so when I was in the tub I thought my water had broken or that I was having a slow leak—I now know that I would definitely be able to tell if my water had broken).
At 11:56 Kim checked me again and within 4 minutes I had gone from 7cm to 10cm and complete!! It was time to start pushing! At this point Nicholas had a few decelerations and things were moving pretty quickly—they put the oxygen mask on me to just help get even more oxygen to Nicholas (he was still doing pretty well but they weren’t sure how the next part of my delivery would go so they wanted to give me O2 just in case). I started pushing at 12:02—During all of this the epidural still hadn’t kicked in! My toes were a little tingly but I was still able to move my legs, reposition myself, etc. I was holding my legs with Kate holding one foot and Donnie holding the other with Devon up by my head. Kim said I could push whenever I felt the urge to which was basically immediately. I started pushing with Kate calmly counting for me (she is so good at her job and I totally want her to be my nurse for every delivery in the future!!) Pushing felt completely natural and I was so excited and ready to meet Nicholas that I just wanted to push and push until he came but Kim wanted me to slow down a little bit. She wanted me to use the momentum of each contraction—what she didn’t realize (since the monitors had never really showed my contractions very well) was that I was constantly contracting at this point with no break in between so I just kept pushing. To be sure Kate checked my abdomen and sure enough I was contracting a lot! With every push Kate, Donnie, Devon and Kim were all watching what was going on—they all were really encouraging and got really excited with each push (“you are pushing so well! Keep doing that!” there eyes all got wide each time I pushed and I was sure he was almost out!) At this point Kim asked me if I wanted to feel my baby so I reached down and touched the top of his head! I am SO glad I did this—it is such a surreal feeling to touch your baby while he is still inside of you! Kim finally told me that he was basically out and to push more controlled and less quickly and I felt Nicholas come out—they put him on my belly (he had a really short umbilical cord only about 12 inches long) He was so tiny and warm and covered in vernix. At this point Donnie cut the cord quickly and they rushed him over to the isolette where there was a team waiting—up until this point the doctors had expected at least a month long stay in the NICU for him if not longer—only weeks before I had a consultation with the NICU dr’s who were talking survival rates with me depending on his size. Nicholas was so small and I kept waiting to hear that he was okay. I was so thankful he was born and I just couldn’t stop saying “Thank you God!” over and over—I told Donnie to go over to Nicholas and at this point I realized that nobody’s voices sounded rushed, nervous, etc. Everyone sounded positive, happy, and surprised! At this point they brought Nicholas over to me—I was shocked—my baby wasn’t being rushed to the NICU, he didn’t have tubes in him already, my child was being handed to me for the first time! I just remember sobbing and holding him and not wanting to let go—I was sure that he would have needed more medical attention but he didn’t and he was wrapped up in my arms! I held him for a few minutes then they took him back to recheck his temps, make sure his vitals were okay, etc. He scored an 8 and a 9 on his APGARS and was perfectly healthy!
I watched the surprised nurses work on him and monitor him as I delivered the afterbirth and while Kim gave me the 1 stitch I ended up needing. I came to realize that everyone’s eyes were wide while I was pushing because with each push he wasn’t just “crowning” but his whole head was pretty much coming out! Kate said with each push they thought that it would be the one to deliver him—I only pushed 7 times and Nicholas was born! I have never known what true relief felt like until I held my perfectly health 3lb 6.9oz baby—he is a complete miracle! Doctors still cant explain and have no reasoning behind how and why he is so small but healthy—the reasoning behind it is prayer! I 100% belief that Nicholas is a miracle and that my merciful and miraculous God chose to use Nicholas as a reminder of his power and might! Nicholas is a daily reminder to me of what the Lord is capable of, a reminder of the power of prayer and a reminder that God is so good and faithful! I couldn’t have asked for a better birth experience and I was so blessed! Donnie was amazing as a birth support, Devon was spectacular as a birth coach (I couldn’t have done it without her—Donnie was there to encourage and help and Devon was there to keep my going she was amazing!) Kate was the best L&D nurse ever, I truly can see that the Lord had a special purpose in making Katie a L&D nurse she was such a loving support and my midwife was calm, respectful and caring! I felt 100% supported and loved through the entire experience and Nicholas is basically the best thing ever!
Nicholas James Glenn
Born 3/3/2010 at 12:13am
3lbs 6.9oz & 15.5 inches long
**Words of caution: this birth story does contain medical phrases, body parts, etc. so if this makes you uncomfortable—don’t read haha**
I don’t know where to even begin in my birth story with Nicholas—my pregnancy was anything but easy with my experiences with hyperemesis gravidarum during weeks 5-16 of my pregnancy. My hyperemesis caused me to be on modified bed rest with 24/7 IV hydration, a zofran pump and home health care. I thankfully was given a “break” from all the crazy medical stuff during weeks 16-28—during this time I only had moderate nausea/vomiting, mild weight loss and was able to be active (meaning no bed rest, no IV pole, etc.) During this break we found that Nicholas was small for his gestational age and we were monitored closely—unfortunately his growth continued to drop lower and lower and at 28 weeks he was officially diagnosed with IUGR (intrauterine growth restriction) and I was admitted to Good Samaritan Hospital to be on strict bed rest. From weeks 28-37 I was on strict bed rest at the hospital and then was scheduled to be induced at 37 weeks (which is medically considered full term). At Nicholas’ last ultrasound (on Feb 16th) they guessed his weight to be 3lbs 7oz. and my induction was scheduled for two weeks later.
While I was on bed rest my prenatal care was transferred to the Maternal Fetal Medicine doctors at Good Sam which work with high-risk moms but thankfully we made it to full term and I was able to be transferred back to my midwives for my delivery. My induction began on Monday, March 1st. To start the induction they used a medication called cervadil-this works to ripen and thin out the cervix and prepare it for dilation and labor. I was originally going to be administered this at 9pm and stay on the special care OB floor (where I had been for the past 2 months). But since the midwives had no idea how my body or Nicholas would react to the cervadil they decided to go ahead and move me to the labor and delivery suite in case of an emergency. Devon (my sister and doula) and Donnie were with me as we packed up my room and headed over to L&D. I was really excited and wanting to get things going—I was so ready to meet my baby and to be that much closer to being off bed rest! They let me walk to L&D (which I hadn’t been allowed to do for 9 weeks!) When we got to L&D, my midwife Sue, explained the cervadil to me and put it in. Going into this induction I knew that there was a very high chance that my delivery would result in an emergency c-section as IUGR babies often don’t react well to labor. Donnie and I were really hoping to avoid a c-section, but we knew that the chances of having a successful vaginal delivery, let alone a med-free (pain med free) vaginal delivery were very slim. I had been praying that my body had naturally started to prepare itself for labor despite it being 3 weeks before my due date—when Sue checked me before putting the Cervadil in I was 1-2cm, 50% effaced and -1 station! I was so happy because I knew starting out at this point my chances of a successful induction were increased.
So at 10pm on Monday night the Cervadil was inserted (and Sue stripped my membranes which is often done to help jumpstart labor also) and I was given an ambien to help me sleep through the night (knowing that the plan was to start pitocin in the morning). At this point Devon went home, planning on coming back early the next morning—cervadil is a 12 hour long medication that sometimes needs to be administered more than once before it works. I could tell that it was working somewhat that night because I wasn’t able to sleep at all because it started very mild contractions and a lot of bad back pain (which was a foreshadowing to really bad back labor).
In the morning Sue’s shift was over and Kim, a different midwife, took over. At this point Devon came back and my other sister Kate came to work and was assigned me as a patient—having my sisters there as support made a HUGE difference in my labor experience and I will be forever grateful for their encouragement, support and love. At 9:30am Kim came and removed my cervadil and checked me again—I was at a solid 2cms of dilation, 70% effaced and -1 station—so some progress had been made but not much, but enough to start the Pitocin. Pitocin is a synthetic form of oxytocin which causes your body to contract. I was scared to start the Pit because it is known for causing really strong contractions and for making pain-med free labors much more difficult. I was still really hopeful on remaining pain-med free at this point. Kate begrudgingly started my pitocin (we joked that she had to be the ‘bad sister’—always coming to up my pitocin dosage to make stronger contractions while Devon got to be the ‘good sister’ who just sat and comforted me haha) So at 11am the pitocin was started on the lowest dose (2)—it could be increased up to the highest dose of 20. Unfortunately being on the lowest dose- it didn’t cause contractions so Kate had to continually up the dosage. During this time I walked the halls hoping that contractions would start, I had to be on the fetal monitor the entire time I was in labor (they put me on the monitors from the time they started the cervadil the night before) With Nicholas being so small and me having an anterior placenta the monitors did not like to stay on him. I had a difficult time finding positions that would allow him to stay on the monitor the entire time. By 3pm, Kim checked me again and I was at 3-4cm, 70% effaced and still -1 station. Kim also stripped my membranes again (which caused some contractions the last time it was done) Kate had the pitocin turned up to the maximum dose and this was when my labor really started. With the pitocin being so high when I started having contractions they were hard and close together—1 minute long, 2 minutes apart. I essentially would have a minute of rest between the contractions.
At this point I was still in early labor, I was excited that the contractions had actually started (even though they were really intense and close together). I was able to use my Bradley relaxation techniques to help with the pain. Devon and Donnie both encouraged me to breathe through each contraction, relax my entire body and just take one contraction at a time. I was still talking, joking, etc. at this point (a clear sign of early labor despite the close contractions). At 3:30pm Kate had the birthing tub brought into my room and I got into that. The birthing tub was a complete lifesaver for me! It dramatically helped my contractions (which were close and also in my back which was really painful). I labored in the tub until about 6pm. During this time I started to get a little more serious, not talking as much, but still managing fine. At 6pm, Devon left to briefly go home to put her son to bed (knowing I was still in early labor and it was going to be a while). I also got out of the tub at 6pm which was horrible. It was much more difficult to handle my contractions but I wanted to try some different positions to get him moving and to keep my labor going. At this point the contractions were intense but the minute long break between each contraction was enough to keep them manageable. I even joked that I didn’t understand why women get epidurals (haha this would come to bite me in the butt) having the break in between each one made it so that I was able to rest and prepare for the next one. At around 7:30pm Devon came back and at 7:45pm I was checked again. At this point the contractions were starting to get much more difficult and seemed to be closer together. When I was checked this time I was at 4cm, 70% effaced and still -1 station. This is when things began to get tough—the contractions were really intense in my back and the exhaustion of being up for over 24hours was kicking in. I was no longer joking, talking, etc. I could tell I was definitely in labor and moving through the stages (which is a good thing—not so fun when you’re in the moment though). At around 8:15pm I got into the birthing tub again hoping for the relief it provided last time—this time it didn’t help as much, the contractions started to get closer together and the breaks in-between seemed shorter and shorter. The breaks in between were shorter, my body (which coming into this labor was already worn down from 2 months of bed rest—my muscles were much weaker because of the lack of movement and my stamina was waning). I felt like I got the short end of the stick at this point—because of the bed rest I was weaker than normal, I hadn’t slept well in basically 2 months and I started to feel like I wouldn’t be able to manage much longer. I was convinced that I had to be farther along, the pressure was incredibly low and I was sure that I had to be close to transition since my contractions were non-stop.
This is when I began to ask for meds. I was so physically tired, my body did not want to cooperate and I was feeling desperate. I had been having intense, close together contractions for the past 6 hours and physically I knew I was close to the end of my rope. I got out of the tub at 9:45pm and was checked again. I could see the disappointment in Kim’s face when I asked how far along I was, surely I had progressed in the last 3 hours. I was still only 4cm dilated but I was about 80% effaced and he was as low as he could get. I didn’t understand how my body could be having these intense contractions with no break but not be further along. I was convinced that I was going to be in labor for at least a whole more night which I knew physically I wouldn’t be able to do. I needed rest and a break but it wasn’t going to happen. We discussed with Kim some of my pain management options—I was strongly against getting an epidural going into this but I also knew that I wasn’t progressing well on my own, the pitocin was at its highest dose and I was also scared that the longer I was in labor the higher chance there was that Nicholas would begin to be in distress from the intense contractions. Kim suggested we try Nubain—Nubain is supposed to promote rest and lessen the pain perception (basically make the pain more manageable). We decided to try this before going for an epidural. Now this is when it gets debatable. Everyone in the room says the Nubain had a dramatic effect on me but I felt like it did nothing. I still felt every contraction only the Nubain made me feel completely out of it. I felt like I was out of body—I was aware of what everyone was doing around me (Devon was reading a book and eating an apple, Donnie was trying to rest himself, Kate was watching the monitors, etc.) but I couldn’t interact at all—I felt each contraction and was able to moan in pain but I didn’t feel able to move my body, etc. It was not the relief I was hoping for and my contractions were one right after the next with no break. At around 10:40pm, the Nubain was wearing off enough that I told Donnie I really needed the epidural, we asked everyone to leave the room and we talked about it for a while and decided that if I was going to physically be able to handle a vaginal delivery the only way for me to do so was by getting an epidural. (Side note: Kate said that while she was in the hall w/ Kim waiting for our decision Kim was really hoping I would get the epidural because she knew I probably needed it to relax enough to continue progressing)
Kate and Kim called the anesthesiologist and he came at 11:00pm. I was not scared of the epidural but I was terrified that I wouldn’t be able to sit still enough (through my constant contractions) to have him place the epidural. I just remember leaning forward onto Kate’s shoulder sobbing—I was getting an epidural which I was so against but my labor needed it. I remember Krissy (my other sister) telling me before I was induced that it was really helpful for her to remember that God doesn’t give you more than you can handle. I just prayed—God I know I can’t handle anymore, please make this stop. I was somehow mentally able to force myself to sit still and relax while he was placing the epidural. I think during the 30 minutes it took for him to place the epidural I was relaxed enough to begin progressing.
By 11:30 the epidural was placed, I sat back and Kate started the meds (which take 20-30 minutes to begin working). This is when things started to get exciting—Kim checked me again at 11:52 because I was feeling kind of like I needed to push and I had other signposts that delivery was impending (bloody show, incredible pressure really low, etc.) When she checked me at 11:52 I had gone from 4cm to 7-8cm and at this point Kim decided it would be best to break my water in hopes that it would further progress things and my bag of water had been bulging for the past 6 hours or so. Apparently my bag of water was pretty strong because Kim said usually when its that bulging she can break it with just a prick of her finger but that didn’t work so she broke it using the hook. The sensation of my water breaking was crazy feeling and totally not what I was thinking it would feel like (earlier around 8:30 or so when I was in the tub I thought my water had broken or that I was having a slow leak—I now know that I would definitely be able to tell if my water had broken).
At 11:56 Kim checked me again and within 4 minutes I had gone from 7cm to 10cm and complete!! It was time to start pushing! At this point Nicholas had a few decelerations and things were moving pretty quickly—they put the oxygen mask on me to just help get even more oxygen to Nicholas (he was still doing pretty well but they weren’t sure how the next part of my delivery would go so they wanted to give me O2 just in case). I started pushing at 12:02—During all of this the epidural still hadn’t kicked in! My toes were a little tingly but I was still able to move my legs, reposition myself, etc. I was holding my legs with Kate holding one foot and Donnie holding the other with Devon up by my head. Kim said I could push whenever I felt the urge to which was basically immediately. I started pushing with Kate calmly counting for me (she is so good at her job and I totally want her to be my nurse for every delivery in the future!!) Pushing felt completely natural and I was so excited and ready to meet Nicholas that I just wanted to push and push until he came but Kim wanted me to slow down a little bit. She wanted me to use the momentum of each contraction—what she didn’t realize (since the monitors had never really showed my contractions very well) was that I was constantly contracting at this point with no break in between so I just kept pushing. To be sure Kate checked my abdomen and sure enough I was contracting a lot! With every push Kate, Donnie, Devon and Kim were all watching what was going on—they all were really encouraging and got really excited with each push (“you are pushing so well! Keep doing that!” there eyes all got wide each time I pushed and I was sure he was almost out!) At this point Kim asked me if I wanted to feel my baby so I reached down and touched the top of his head! I am SO glad I did this—it is such a surreal feeling to touch your baby while he is still inside of you! Kim finally told me that he was basically out and to push more controlled and less quickly and I felt Nicholas come out—they put him on my belly (he had a really short umbilical cord only about 12 inches long) He was so tiny and warm and covered in vernix. At this point Donnie cut the cord quickly and they rushed him over to the isolette where there was a team waiting—up until this point the doctors had expected at least a month long stay in the NICU for him if not longer—only weeks before I had a consultation with the NICU dr’s who were talking survival rates with me depending on his size. Nicholas was so small and I kept waiting to hear that he was okay. I was so thankful he was born and I just couldn’t stop saying “Thank you God!” over and over—I told Donnie to go over to Nicholas and at this point I realized that nobody’s voices sounded rushed, nervous, etc. Everyone sounded positive, happy, and surprised! At this point they brought Nicholas over to me—I was shocked—my baby wasn’t being rushed to the NICU, he didn’t have tubes in him already, my child was being handed to me for the first time! I just remember sobbing and holding him and not wanting to let go—I was sure that he would have needed more medical attention but he didn’t and he was wrapped up in my arms! I held him for a few minutes then they took him back to recheck his temps, make sure his vitals were okay, etc. He scored an 8 and a 9 on his APGARS and was perfectly healthy!
I watched the surprised nurses work on him and monitor him as I delivered the afterbirth and while Kim gave me the 1 stitch I ended up needing. I came to realize that everyone’s eyes were wide while I was pushing because with each push he wasn’t just “crowning” but his whole head was pretty much coming out! Kate said with each push they thought that it would be the one to deliver him—I only pushed 7 times and Nicholas was born! I have never known what true relief felt like until I held my perfectly health 3lb 6.9oz baby—he is a complete miracle! Doctors still cant explain and have no reasoning behind how and why he is so small but healthy—the reasoning behind it is prayer! I 100% belief that Nicholas is a miracle and that my merciful and miraculous God chose to use Nicholas as a reminder of his power and might! Nicholas is a daily reminder to me of what the Lord is capable of, a reminder of the power of prayer and a reminder that God is so good and faithful! I couldn’t have asked for a better birth experience and I was so blessed! Donnie was amazing as a birth support, Devon was spectacular as a birth coach (I couldn’t have done it without her—Donnie was there to encourage and help and Devon was there to keep my going she was amazing!) Kate was the best L&D nurse ever, I truly can see that the Lord had a special purpose in making Katie a L&D nurse she was such a loving support and my midwife was calm, respectful and caring! I felt 100% supported and loved through the entire experience and Nicholas is basically the best thing ever!
1 month update
I am going to attempt to write a blog post and actually finish it—see in the month since my last post I have sat down and attempted numerous times to update about Nicholas, each time it ends in a crying baby or me being side tracked by something more important I should be doing (i.e. laundry, dishes, etc.)So now as I sit here with my little one snuggled up in the moby *fast asleep* (please don’t jinx myself! Please don’t jinx myself!) I am going to update on my first month as a mom (and eventually I would like to post my birth story but seeing as I started typing it out for my own records and it was roughly 4 pages long I *may* need to write a condensed version for on here—plus I doubt you all want the details anyway)
Birth stats:
3lbs 6oz, 15.5 inches long
1 month stats:
4lbs 9oz, 17.5 inches long—he is still not on the charts (with the exception of his head circumference which was in the 2nd percentile haha) but I love love love my little peanut- I feel like he is becoming more “baby” and less “newborn” everyday. Things have been relatively easy I would say. The first two weeks were kinda rough mainly because of feeding issues. Nicholas doesn’t have any issues eating but its more trying to find the best way for him to get food. With him being as small as he is nursing was originally out of the question—we attempted (even with a shield) and got nowhere (which I expected). I rented a hospital grade pump and was pumping and bottle feeding every 2-3 hours which basically made me want to die haha I hated pumping and after being in a hospital room for 2 months and feeling trapped there I very much felt trapped/tethered by my pump…I felt like it was making things impossible for me and I felt very just…bleh I don’t know how to explain it but I am sure any other mom who has had to exclusively pump can relate to those feelings that occur in the first few weeks. So in the first 2 weeks he was home it was more an issue of me crying every night when I had to wake up and pump and bottle feed—I have been so blessed though to have a completely supportive and encouraging husband! He would wake up in the middle of the nights to give Nicholas a bottle while I pumped or he would go get my pump parts ready so I didn’t have to get out of bed—he is basically amazing!
But after those initial 2 weeks I became sort of resigned to my position of milk-machine but I was still hopeful to be able to get away from the pumping and transition to nursing—so I met w/ a lactation consultant, we tried a variety of things such as supplemental nursing systems (SNS), modifying my pumping schedule and I even tried nursing! He is able to nurse but because of his size he gets tuckered out pretty quickly and wont get a full feeding and when he does get a full feeding it uses so much energy that it kind of eliminates half the calories he just consumed (and at less than 5 lbs he needs all the calories he can get!) So the past 5 and a half weeks have been spent w/ me trying different feeding techniques which include: pumping and bottle feeding every 2-3hours, SNS and bottle feeding, SNS and feeding, combo bottle feeding and nursing, exclusively nursing on-demand and weighing him throughout each nursing session to watch his intake, exclusively nursing on-demand w/ no weighing—the first time I attempted this I got 2 days in and ended up w/ plugged ducts and mastitis which definitely knocked me on my butt for a good 4-5 days but I got to experience what its like to be sick while having to still care for a baby and through God’s good grace I got through it and it wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be.
Other than the ridiculous amount of time I’ve spent stressing over how to get my milk to my baby, I’ve really enjoyed being a mommy. I love the bond I already have with Nicholas and nothing beats the feeling of being able to just lie in bed and snuggle with a sweet smelling newborn! Nicholas is a very good natured baby and is in general pretty content—he has been a great sleeper too! After the first 2 weeks he started sleeping in 4 hour stretches and now he will give us a 6 hour stretch a couple of times a week! He is becoming a lot more alert and really enjoys bath time, walks in the neighborhood, dancing around the house w/ mommy (in the moby of course) and co-sleeping in the morning w/ mommy after daddy has left for work (shh! Don’t tell Donnie about our little ritual after he leaves—it involves sleeping in bed together and then watching Regis and Kelly haha)
So my sweet little boys first month has come and gone and I am so sad that it went by fast but I am thoroughly enjoying him changing everyday—God has blessed our family so much, every time I feel frustrated I just stop myself and look at him…I mean really look at him and I’m reminded of how much of a true miracle he is—I am reminded of the faithfulness of God, of God’s sovereignty, of God’s grace and mercy and I am astounded still to think that this sweet baby boy was just a single cell 10 months ago—its amazing! And as always God is just SO GOOD!
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