so THATS why I'm here

So we finally got to talk to Dr.Brady last night (we hadnt seen a dr since the resident who told me the ultrasound results) and we got a few questions answered--so I obviously begged to go home, presented my case of why I wanted/thought I could manage strict bedrest at home, etc. I asked him what the chances of letting me go home were: none ha!

He said that the biggest reason that they are keeping me in the hospital is apparently IUGR baby's have increased rates of being stillborns--(I guess they didnt want to tell me this before as to not scare me) but he said that he has actually had patients who had all fine tests until one day they had a bad test and delivered the baby just in time--but they were able to catch it because they were doing the non-stress tests (NST's) twice daily...so at least I feel like I am doing something being here and that it is making a big difference even if it doesnt feel like it--knowing those risks I dont even want to go home now (if that makes any sense)

Dr.Brady also said that they will be inducing me if I make it to 37 weeks--at that point the benefits of delivery far outweigh the risks of keeping me pregnant--because 37 weeks if considered full term and I have recieved two rounds of steriod shots he said at that point they can pretty much do more on the outside than what I can do w/ the baby in...knowing this has really helped me have a better perspective on things. It is comforting to have a specific "end" in sight, it is awesome to think that I may actually make it to full term (they didnt seem to hopeful when I came in at 28 weeks) and I know that at MOST that means I only have 3 and half more weeks left of being here...strangely that is comforting to know! It makes it not seem as bad to be here and I think it takes alot of stress off of me about thinking about my next ultrasound because I know regardless of what my next ultrasound says the worst they can say is we are keeping you 2 more weeks but that will be IT! So while to some this may seem strange but to me it feels great and has helped my spirits some. A good friend sent me an exerpt from Trusting God by Jerry Bridges (great book!) and it really got me thinking:


"God does not willingly bring affliction or grief to us. He does not delight in causing us to experience pain or heartache. He always has a purpose for the grief He brings or allows to come into our lives. Most often we do not know what that purpose is, but it is enough to know that His infinite wisdom and perfect love have determined that the particular sorrow is best for us. God never wastes pain. He always uses it to accomplish His purpose. And His purpose is for His glory and our good. Therefore, we can trust Him when our hearts are aching or our bodies are racked with pain.
"Trusting God in the midst of our pain and heartache means that we accept it from Him. There is a vast difference between acceptance and either resignation or submission. We can resign ourselves to a difficult situation, simply because we see no other alternative. Many people do that all the time. Or we can submit to the sovereignty of God in our circumstances with a certain amount of reluctance. But to truly accept our pain and heartache has the connotation of willingness. An attitude of acceptance says that we trust God, that He loves us, and knows what is best for us."

I am glad that my friend sent me this, it gives me something to think about every day and is a good way for me to keep my attitude in check. Am I resigning myself, simply submitting or is my attitude one of willingness? I can honestly say that the past few days I have had an attitude of resignation and submission but NOT one of willingness. I never realized what my resigned attitude and submitting attitude was saying to the Lord. I let myself slip a little, forgetting that true acceptance is how I say that I trust the Lord and His plans and I really need to remember that He ALWAYS knows what is best for me.