My appetite is still pretty much non-existent which isnt good. I am really trying to force myself to eat even when nothing sounds good and get back to eating more nutritional food. My biggest struggle is my anemia and my fear of taking the iron supplements I need to take. I am just so afraid to take anything new because I feel like I am still walking on eggshells and I feel like one wrong move and my vomitting will start all over again which realistically isnt going to happen but its scary. I also have alot of aversion to meat which I REALLY need to work on because I am sure I am not getting enough protein.
This week some fears about the baby have started to kick in...like I am afraid the baby is going to have problems because of the poor nutrition Ive had for all 14 weeks of my pregnancy...I am afraid that the stress I have been feeling between being so sick but also dealing with some of the life change (i.e. finishing college, dropping out of grad school, being pregnant, new house, medical bills, etc.) is having a negative effect on the baby. I have taken so many child development classes and have so much knowledge from a professional and academic standpoint it is scary...I wish I didnt know so much sometimes because as good as it is to be well informed it also doesnt help when my mind begins to wander and I think of ALL the things that could go wrong
I really need to just trust in the Lord...and trust in Him and Him alone. I need to just really work on relying on Him and His will for me. Logically, I know me worrying isnt going to change the situation one way or another and when I think about it I start to just see the sin in what I am doing! I am essentially saying that His will for me, and all the struggles that will come with it, may not be "right" for me. However the situation ends up is EXACTLY what is right for me and I need to keep reminding myself of that.
So I am starting to feel really fat. Illogical I know, but I feel like I just have this huge pooch and I feel like I look so yuck but at the same time I am still losing weight/not gaining weight. I wish I would either look pregnant or not look pregnant, this in between time stinks.
How far along: 14w6d today (I am always such a slacker and dont update until I am almost on my next week haha)
Total weight gain: As of last Monday at my midwife appointment I was back down to an 18lbs weight loss from my pre-pregnancy weight...I am scared of when the weight DOES come back I am gunna wake up one day and be like 10lbs heavier haha
Maternity clothes: wearing more maternity stuff...maternity pants are wonderful and suck all at the same time, they fit great on my stomach but are all too loose
everywhere else I think I need to buy them a size smaller so when they stretch out after 5 minutes of wearing them they will actually fit correctly
Sleep: ahh the bane of my existence...I am NOT sleeping well at all, I cant get comfortable and I have this horrible sciatic nerve pain that feels like a hot poker sticking me in the back every time I turn on my left side....and I know it will only get worse...any moms have tips of ways of sleeping that may be more comfortable?
Best moment this week: This is really more a non-moment...no throwing up!
Food cravings: lunchmeat sandwiches and soup...
Labor signs: none
Belly Button: innie
What I miss the most: being able to stay up late and go out w/ friends w/o feeling exhausted...I have a feeling that will never come back from this point forward haha
What am I looking forward to the most: our 20 week ultrasound to find out the sex of the baby!!
Milestones: My adorable little fetus is busy with thumb sucking, toe wiggling, and (not so cute but equally amazing) making urine and breathing amniotic fluid as the liver, kidneys and spleen continue to develop. Lanugo (thin, downy hair) is growing all over the body for warmth.
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