fun pregnancy pics so far

Its Positive!!

Right after we told my parents...5 weeks pregnant!

7 weeks 6 days

9 weeks 5 days

11 weeks 6 days

13 weeks 5 days

14 weeks 5 days

13 weeks 5 days

14 weeks 5 days

14 weeks

Things have been pretty good in the past week or so. I still havent gotten sick and my nausea is pretty much gone! I still feel yucky in the evenings but it is so much better! It is weird to think how quickly my circumstances have changed. Now I am just trying to get back into the swing of things and being a normal person that doesnt have a ton of restrictions.

My appetite is still pretty much non-existent which isnt good. I am really trying to force myself to eat even when nothing sounds good and get back to eating more nutritional food. My biggest struggle is my anemia and my fear of taking the iron supplements I need to take. I am just so afraid to take anything new because I feel like I am still walking on eggshells and I feel like one wrong move and my vomitting will start all over again which realistically isnt going to happen but its scary. I also have alot of aversion to meat which I REALLY need to work on because I am sure I am not getting enough protein.

This week some fears about the baby have started to kick in...like I am afraid the baby is going to have problems because of the poor nutrition Ive had for all 14 weeks of my pregnancy...I am afraid that the stress I have been feeling between being so sick but also dealing with some of the life change (i.e. finishing college, dropping out of grad school, being pregnant, new house, medical bills, etc.) is having a negative effect on the baby. I have taken so many child development classes and have so much knowledge from a professional and academic standpoint it is scary...I wish I didnt know so much sometimes because as good as it is to be well informed it also doesnt help when my mind begins to wander and I think of ALL the things that could go wrong

I really need to just trust in the Lord...and trust in Him and Him alone. I need to just really work on relying on Him and His will for me. Logically, I know me worrying isnt going to change the situation one way or another and when I think about it I start to just see the sin in what I am doing! I am essentially saying that His will for me, and all the struggles that will come with it, may not be "right" for me. However the situation ends up is EXACTLY what is right for me and I need to keep reminding myself of that.

So I am starting to feel really fat. Illogical I know, but I feel like I just have this huge pooch and I feel like I look so yuck but at the same time I am still losing weight/not gaining weight. I wish I would either look pregnant or not look pregnant, this in between time stinks.

How far along: 14w6d today (I am always such a slacker and dont update until I am almost on my next week haha)

Total weight gain: As of last Monday at my midwife appointment I was back down to an 18lbs weight loss from my pre-pregnancy weight...I am scared of when the weight DOES come back I am gunna wake up one day and be like 10lbs heavier haha

Maternity clothes: wearing more maternity stuff...maternity pants are wonderful and suck all at the same time, they fit great on my stomach but are all too loose
everywhere else I think I need to buy them a size smaller so when they stretch out after 5 minutes of wearing them they will actually fit correctly

Sleep: ahh the bane of my existence...I am NOT sleeping well at all, I cant get comfortable and I have this horrible sciatic nerve pain that feels like a hot poker sticking me in the back every time I turn on my left side....and I know it will only get worse...any moms have tips of ways of sleeping that may be more comfortable?

Best moment this week: This is really more a non-moment...no throwing up!

Food cravings: lunchmeat sandwiches and soup...

Labor signs: none

Belly Button: innie

What I miss the most: being able to stay up late and go out w/ friends w/o feeling exhausted...I have a feeling that will never come back from this point forward haha

What am I looking forward to the most: our 20 week ultrasound to find out the sex of the baby!!

Milestones: My adorable little fetus is busy with thumb sucking, toe wiggling, and (not so cute but equally amazing) making urine and breathing amniotic fluid as the liver, kidneys and spleen continue to develop. Lanugo (thin, downy hair) is growing all over the body for warmth.

its a miracle!! (long)

True miracle or not, it feels like it to me...I am scared to even type this in fear that it will come back to bite me in the butt....but....MY HYPEREMESIS IS GONE!! (or done...not too sure how it works?) So...I am quickly going to do a run through of my past week and a half since I havent blogged in a while...

Tues-I get a call in the morning that my paternal grandmother passed away. She was in her 90's and had been declining for the past couple years. She was in assisted living/hospice situation and my dad has said that she definitely was ready. It is sad to think that I only have one grandparent left but I have been so blessed that I had all my grandparents for so many years. I have some very distinct memories of my Grandma Eleanor such as shopping trips with her to Forest Fair Mall...she actually bought me something from the Disney store which I can confidently say my parents would have never bought my a Jasmine barbie doll from the Disney store which made my doll all the better. Getting new clothes with Grandma and visisting her at their old house in Hamilton. She will definitely be missed and is leaving behind a great legacy.

On Tues. my older sister Devon also came to visit!! She got into town Tues. prepared with fun stuff to do and yummy stuff to make me and she brought my nephew Matthew who, if I wasnt already pregnant, would have given me horrible baby fever...he is so stinkin cute!

Wed- Devon and I ventured out to the grocery store where she introduced me to all kinds of things Donnie never thought he would see in our kitchen such as wheat germ and flax seed she came prepared with a bunch of recipes that would give me the most 'bang for your buck' if you will...basically small things I could eat that would really help me nutritionally and lemme tell you-- they worked! I felt better, my stomach was less upset (minus throwing up a banana, strawberry and spinach smoothie--it was actually quite tasty until it came back up) even MORE exciting on Wed. We had our ultrasound!! The baby looks great, moved around a ton, was so cute and the machine was awesome! You could really see so much! I got some print outs which I will eventually scan and post...or take digital pics of the pictures (ghetto I know but whatev)

Thurs- Devon and I went to the wonderful Gap Clearance outlet which was fabulous and I bought a bunch of maternity stuff that I dont quite need yet but all my other clothes were just making me feel fat and lets be honest maternity pants are so much more comfortable I dont think I will ever go back

Fri- Devon and I and Mathie loaded up w/ my mom, dad and little sister Brooke and headed up to Madison, WI (where Devon lives) to see my brother compete in his first ever Ironman! For those who dont know...ironman= insanity...it is the ultimate triathalon which includes a 2.4mile swim, 112 mile bike ride and then (as if that wasnt craziness in itself) a full marathon (26.2 miles) for a total of 140.6 miles...in one day....consecutively...as I said insanity. My brother has been training for a long time (specifically the entire last year) for this one event and he did awesome!! He finished in 12 hours 27 mins (I believe, I didnt get to see him finish :( but I heard he did great!)

Sat- We just hung out, the actual Ironman was on Sunday so we just relaxed at the hotel with my brother and didnt do too much, I will say that basically everyone at the hotel was either competing or there to cheer someone on...I have never seen so many men in spandex shorts and I have never felt so lazy in my life as people come basically biking into the lobby of the hotel as Im schlumping along with my IV pole and leftovers from lunch haha

Sun- This is when things got bad, we woke up at 5am WI time to go down to watch the start of the race, I woke up feeling like I had bad allergies and in a generally bad mood (shocking, right?! being as it was 5 am and I am NOT a morning person) So we get down to the Lake where the swimming portion is going to begin and I start to feel even worse...We waited until the race started (which is pretty wild to see 2700 triatheletes all try and swim on top of each other to get ahead...with the exception of about 100 people all 2600 other competitors start at the same time, apparently it can be pretty violent as you have adults literally swimming on top of each other) Once that was done, I threw up...then we waited some more to watch my brother at the swim to bike transition which he came to about an hour or so later...We yelled and cheered...then I threw up again...Then I started throwing up alot so I decided I should go back to the hotel at this point (8:30am) I get back to the hotel by myself, take my temp and see it is about 100.0 so I go ahead and call the home health company to see what they recommend since I cant stop vomitting and I have a slight fever, they recommend that if my temp gets to 100.4 that I go to the ER in case my PICC line is infected well I fall asleep and a few hours later I wake up, take my temp and it is about 100.2 but I am still vomitting profusely at this point Alere (home health) tells me to go to the ER anyway so Devon picks me up and takes me

When I get to the ER my temp was up to 102.8 which obviously isnt good and they give me some tylenol (oh the joys of being pregnant...) and a shot of phenergen which makes me sleep well my temp continues to go up and I start to have some warming issues at this point my Gramma (who was also in town for my brothers Ironman) was staying with me at the hospital while my family (mom, dad and little sis) finished cheering on my brother. They admitted me that night and were awaiting results for the H1N1. They put me in an isolation room and every person that came in was dressed like I had the bubonic plague or something it was quite funny.

So I stay in the hospital Sun night and all day monday and tues. afternoon they came to tell me that I didnt have the swine flu! yay! but I did have an infection in my PICC line. I cried. Honestly the thought of having to get my PICC line removed and going back to a peripheral IV in my hand was more than I could handle...having to poke myself daily again for my zophran pump...more than I could handle... I just honestly was devastated b/c my PICC line had made my life so much easier! But alas, they had to take it out because infections in a PICC line are quite serious being as it is directly going into a main blood supply and blood infections=no good

So here is the miracle, awesome God part...I know many, many, many, many people were praying. I had been praying, family had been praying, friends had been praying even people I didnt know were praying...My fever went away...completely...and stayed gone and because of this they didnt have to give me any anti-biotics! And...my nausea...gone...vomitting...gone...

I was discharged from the hospital Wed. night and spent thurs. in WI to make sure I was okay before traveling home and now I am home and still....no nausea...no vomitting...NONE SINCE SUNDAY NIGHT!!! Apparently my fever took care of my hyperemesis while it was busy making me feel like crap. Ive kept down normal food and I am drinking normally and basically feeling 100% better (still tired and a little weak but nothing compared to how I had been) I honestly do think that it had to do with people praying not only for my fever to go down but for me to be COMPLETELY healed...some may say coincidence...I think it was God...the Bible says that God wont give you more than you can handle (1 Corin. 10:13- No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man.; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you can bear, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also so that you are able to endure it). I think the Lord knew I couldnt handle the hand IV any longer my sanity was going and emotionally I could not handle going back to being even more restricted than I had already been and God, being so good, healed me and has sustained me since.

Even if my hyperemesis comes back, I will be okay. I am officially discharged from my home health company as of today and I have an appt with my midwives on Mon. and I am continually praying that my nauseau will remain managable and that my oral medication will suffice. I also am asking for prayers that if things do get bad again, I keep in mind that I am only being given that struggle because the Lord knows I can handle it!

So now that this post has become a novel I will do a quick baby update (which is kind of more for my fun little records so I can look back week by week of my pregnancy and laugh at how pathetic I was when I was sick haha)

Week 13

How far along? 13 weeks 3 days

Total weight gain? havent weighed myself since sunday but as of Sunday I was still down 15lbs

Maternity clothes? I have been wearing some mainly as I said above so I stop feeling just plain fat...I notice I have a little bit of a bump but to others I am pretty sure it looks like I need to lay off the french fries

Sleep? I havent been waking up as much to pee which is nice and being able to sleep without being hooked up to something is AMAZING!

Best moment this week? Seeing our awesome child during the ultrasound...I also got to have two ultrasounds at the hospital (not nearly as clear but still its something) It is an amazing, emotional moment seeing the life we created for the first time...it is bittersweet because we will never have that moment with our 1st pregnancy again--oh and we were able to find the heartbeat with our home doppler which was really fun!

Food cravings? Havent really had any which might be because I am able to eat more now which is nice

Labor signs? none

Belly Button? innie

What I miss most? Right now, nothing...things seem great right now!

Milestones? Finding the heartbeat at home, and getting to the second trimester!! I am so glad to know that my first trimester is over with! This week our lil nudgers teeth and vocal cords are forming and the babys intestines are moving from the umbilical cord to the baby which is much more convenient. Oh, and we skipped right on past the plum size and the baby is the size of a peach now!

11 weeks

I am greatly lagging in writing my weekly updates about the pregnancy. I always seem to forget until I am already past the week I am supposed to be writing about or I am about to be done with that week. But anywho, this past week pregnancy wise has been okay. My nausea is dying down during the day but I am still getting sick and feeling like crap in the evening but I am getting pretty good at being able to figure out a schedule to try and help from getting sick. I still have my PICC line in and last time I went to see my midwives (last wed.) they said I would probably be on fluids until 14 weeks, Im not sure if this is just an estimation or if thats when they plan on weaning me off regardless...Im thinking thats more of a hopeful thought on their end b/c the time I went to see them before last they said 12 weeks and clearly that isnt happening

But my ketones have been negative which means Im not dehydrated anymore (obviously since I am on continuous IV fluids) and my weight is constant...I havent gained or lost anymore which is better than losing though I know the doctors would like to see some gain. The PICC is going well...no bad things happening there and I have started taking gummy vitamins!! Yay! While they arent the same as pre-natal vits. its better than nothing and I can keep them down! The midwives gave me the results of all my bloodwork from my first visit and I was happy to know that the baby isnt at risk for cystic fibrosis and that I am RH positive so no extra shot (hey when you get poked often, any poking you can skip is exciting) and I dont have any diseases haha but they said I am pretty anemic and they called in a prescription iron supplement that I am not going to even attempt to take until I am completely better, in the meantime Devon said she had a few ideas as to how I could get the iron I need in a way I could keep down. So we shall see when she comes on Tues! I am really excited!!

I have been getting out more, its weird to look at how much my life has already changed and the baby isnt even here yet, for example: this past Friday night, Meg and I went to Walmart and it was kind of a big deal...6 months ago our Friday nights consisted of going out for a few drinks w/ friends or having people over for a fire in the backyard and beers...now I am pumped to go to Walmart...but I dont really care that Im not going out which was slightly surprising because I really enjoyed my old lifestyle too I guess that is just another change that comes with pregnancy... the maternal instinct to make better choices for my baby

How far along: 11 weeks, 6 days

Total weight gain: I am still down 15 lbs but I havent lost anymore which is good

Maternity clothes: My clothes all fit weird...my shirts are too short because the ladies have gotten bigger and my pants are baggy and loose from losing weight except in the stomach they are tight...I bought a maternity jean skirt at walmart that was on sale for $5 and I think I may make a trip to gap outlet w/ Devon this week

Sleep: I am sleeping okay...I have to get up about 3 times a night to pee which is really really annoying but I'll take it

Best moment this week: hearing lil babes heartbeat! We got to hear it at the dr's office...we still cant find it at home with the doppler Devon lent me but it is still pretty early

Food cravings: I am starting a list of foods I want to eat as soon as I am eating normally: 1) fuji steak house fried rice, 2) Hooters wings, 3) open faced turkey sandwich....bizarre and healthy, I know, but what can I say---adding to my list 4) Penn Station

Labor signs: none

Belly Button: innie

What I miss the most: taking a shower w/o being connected to things, going out in public w/o being connected to things, moving around my house w/o being connected to things (I suppose there is a theme to this) ** same as last week**

What am I looking forward to the most: getting my ultrasound on Wed at New Hope Center!! I cant wait to see our little lime :-)

Milestones: Our baby can open and close her fists (I still think its a girl) and is developing little buds that are going to be teeth one day. Also, lil babe doesnt have webbed fingers and toes because they are starting to separate now! And the babe is kicking and squirming about in all the space she has even though I cant feel it yet! Our little babe is about the size of a lime this week! Getting bigger...!

put off complaining put on thankfulness

So, I've been feeling convicted lately and this Sunday's service (though it wasnt much preaching) really made me think about some things, specifically how I have been a trophy of grace throughout my pregnancy and hyperemesis experience. And to put it simply, I have NOT been a very good example. While I havent done much outward complaining (though others may disagree) I have had a heart full of complaining and self-pity and frustration with God that I had no right to have.

When Brad talked today about how our biggest problem (our sin problem) has already been taken care of and everything else is just life essentially I realized that I had been forgetting that God is completely just in letting me and having me go through this difficult time. Furthermore He would be completely justified to let it continue throughout the entire pregnancy, or even worsen. Instead of being thankful that God is giving me grace upon grace to deal with it everyday all I am thinking about is how its not fair that I have to go through this. It's not fair that I dont get to have joy in my pregnancy because I am so sick, I dont get to think back fondly to my first pregnancy with happiness, I dont get to feel all lovey dovey towards the baby inside of me because I am just too sick. Well, honestly, that is such crap.

I have missed out on the joy that has been there all along!! God has blessed me with a healthy baby this far, a truly healthy baby! The simple fact that I am able and was easily able to concieve a baby is a true miracle in itself. There are thousands of women who pray daily to just be able to concieve and here I am throwing that miracle to the wayside because I am uncomfortable. I yet again am face to face with an idol and I am choosing to focus on the idol and not the amazing God I have. Only this time, my idol creeped up on in me in the concept of an ideal pregnancy.

Ideal....what does that even mean? Shouldnt a healthy baby quantify as ideal? I am truly disgusted with myself at how easily I let myself slip back into the "woe is me" game. Honestly, I am not a "trooper" I am not "just getting by"...I am saved! My biggest problem is taken care of, I have a healthy baby, a great marriage, an awesome home and food on the table (even though I may not be able to enjoy that food just yet...its still there). What do I really have to be complaining about?! I went back to a book I really enjoy to regain a little insight, "Lord, Change My Attitude...Before It's Too Late" by James MacDonald, and man I forgot how great this book is and how much truth it has in it...here is a little taste of his blunt writing that helped give me a little kick in the butt to get back on track...

Complaining is an attitude choice that if left unchecked will wither my capacity to experience joy and genuine thankfulness…complaining questions God’s sovereignty! To complain is to say in effect; “God, You blew it! You had a chance to meet my expectations, but You couldn’t handle it! Nice try, God- close but not close enough”. Complaining about adversity- that’s the worst kind of complaining there is. “Why do I have to go through that? Why must I endure all this hassle when life goes so smoothly for them? I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired: when will all this end?” “My trial….my hardship….my lot in life…my misfortune” All this nauseating noise rises to the very ears of God. Every one of us has a measure of adversity, and God Himself is the one who measured it out. And for that reason, every person has something in his or her life that God doesn’t want to hear complaints about. All the grace and strength you need to experience joy and victory is available to you, but by choosing to complain, by clinging to the idol of a perfect life (pregnancy)…YOU ARE FLUSHING AWAY THE GRACE OF GOD.

So TRUE! So from now on, Im asking whoever reads this blog, to help hold me accountable...Help me to see when I am being a pitiful trophy of grace. Help me remember that what I am going through is just a tiny little taste of the suffering Christ endured for ME!! For complaining, sinning, ungrateful, me. God is just so good!