how he loves us

So here we are at the end of little buddy's 5 month of life and I am astonished. I cant believe he is almost half a year old! 6 months old seems so old (and seasoned mamas reading this can chuckle to themselves at my new mom silliness)! I think Nicholas has turned that corner of being a little person now, no longer the little baby, he has such personality now! In the last month or so he has: learned to roll from both belly to back and back to belly, can stand unassisted when holding onto the criss-crossing bars on his playmat, has started to show a little attitude already (complete with a lovely lip snarl), has discovered the full dexterity of his fingers and hands and he is overall just a loving sweet natured peanut!

I want to keep track of his month stats but I am trying to just avoid thinking about his growth as much as possible--you know just avoiding inevitable things is healthy ;-) But I do know that he was roughly 9lbs 14.5oz at his plagiocephaly appointment. (Which sidenote: Donnie weighed 9lbs 15oz AT BIRTH...Poor, poor Pammy :-) That is just ridiculous! ) As far as health things go I am starting to adjust to having weekly if not sometimes bi-weekly dr's appointments. Hopefully after Sept things will let up a little bit and we can go to monthly visits.

When it comes to his health stuff I just know that God is using Nicholas in more ways than one. First--I post on a few private listservs for Russell Silver Syndrome moms to get advice, support, etc. I posted some about Nicholas just to see what other experiences were like and I got *numerous* replies from the other moms that they've never heard of an RSS child who is doing as well as Nicky--Most said their kiddos didnt reach 10lbs until age 1, most were on feeding tubes by 5 months, many had had numerous surgeries. Even the different specialists we've seen at Children's have been shocked at his good health considering his health condition. Yet again, Nicky stumps doctors and people with how awesome he is doing! God is just so good, and not because Nicky is doing well (God would still be good even if things were much worse) but because He is using Nicholas in such a unique way. He is showing His awesome power through my son and I love that!

Lately I've been really thinking about God's love for us and how much I am learning about this through my experiences as a mother. Basically I cry everytime I think about it...which is basically every time I am driving and listening to the radio. So if you happen to drive by me and I have tears streaming down my face its probably for a good reason. This song is really getting to me lately:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TCunuL58odQ

"And we are His portion and He is our prize, Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes, If His grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking."

I cant get over how much I love Nicholas and it makes me think about how much *my* parents love me, how even though when I was a teenager and out of control I would scream and yell convinced that my parents didnt care about me because of xyz (which xyz was always for my own good). How could I have ever thought that?! And even more so, how did I ever think that God didnt care about me?! Oh, How He Loves Us! I've gone through some pretty horrible experiences that led me to believe that in this fallen world there is no God who lovingly let those things happen to me. How wrong could I have been?! He was there the whole time, has been there everytime since. Okay I am rambling and this doesnt make any sense...but nonetheless...I am learning so much everyday about my God and His love and how my earthly love for Nicholas is only a fraction of His love for me. I am so thankful to be having these experiences that teach me more about who God is.

As the months go on, and Nicholas gets older I am loving seeing life through his eyes (which is so cheesetastic that I cant believe I just said it!...I am one of those moms hehe) I cant wait to see what 6 months has in store for us! I am sure it will be a fantastic month and I am sure that I will be so sad to see it go...I remember 6 weeks just like it was yesterday....