boring

I never feel like I have much to blog about. Actually, I have things I could blog about but I figure it will be too boring to read- unless you are like my parents or siblings that might be interested in the mundane things I do with Nicholas. I dont want to become one of those people who blog everytime their baby has a dirty diaper or giggles haha I know those things are probably only interesting to me--but nonetheless I am blogging today in hopes I will be inspired about something.

So I guess I will just update about what is going on with Nicholas until I am inspired--hey its easier to update here than to tell all my close family and friends individually. Nicholas has an evaluation with First Steps (Ky's early intervention program) coming up to see if he is eligible/needs any services. He is doing awesome with gross motor which is usually an issue with RSS kids but his communication and problem solving might be needing a little help. He has his first appointment with Gastro (who I feel like are the ONLY people we havent seen at Children's lol) Hopefully this will go smoothly and we will get some answers about his reflux (which seems to be rearing its ugly head again, just in time for our insurance to stop covering his current reflux medicine...awesome, not!) He also may have some delayed gastric emptying issues but that will be determined I guess.

Nicholas also had his appointment with urology and we found out that he will have to have surgery--orchiopexy. This surgery probably wont be a big deal, I mean its only a 2 hour long procedure and we will be in and out in the same day but I am really struggling with my anxiety about this. I guess any mom can relate to the fears about their child having any procedure done I am just terrified that something will go wrong, you always hear those stories about a child that goes in for a routine procedure and than something horrible happens. I guess the worry may stem from the feeling that I am ALWAYS (actually let me rephrase...often...always is such a God word) "that person". If something has a 2% chance of happening you can bet that it will happen to me...my hyperemesis, my IUGR, my experiences with going in to have my wisdom teeth removed and ending up needing an emergency appendectomy (long story for another post...it was ridiculous to say the least). I just have bad luck, but as I Christian I feel like bad luck isnt something I should even believe or say or whatever

Luck doesnt really have a place in Christianity, does it? I mean I suppose this is just another situation that God is going to use to teach me about His sovereignty---my "luck" is a moot point, I have no luck--I have a strong and powerful God that controls my life and my experiences. I guess its just hard because I feel like as I've struggled with anxiety and worry over the years I have accumulated many verses but I feel like those verses are just laying flat to me (which is embarassing for me to even admit, that the Word of God is laying flat) I dont know if its because I have studied them so much that I am losing the "awe factor" if you can call it that. I dont think that should ever happen--I should always be in awe of how good and faithful God is, I should be in awe of His wonderful sovereignty and I should easily be reminded that I can put my faith in Him no matter the circumstance. I wonder if maybe just breaking apart the verses may help, word by word, examining why the verses are worded and placed where they are?

I know worry is something I (and many others, if not everyone) will struggle w/ their entire lives--how can you not, even if your worry is just in an initial instance its still there. Now--I know that this is something I really need to chat with God about, my feeling stagnant in His word. I know its my own fault, and I am sure I will learn something from these feelings but right now it is making me uncomfortable. Perhaps being uncomfortable is a good thing, I should probably be more concerned if I was comfortable in my static position. So, I dont know where I am going with this anymore? (my brain is frazzled lately, I swear as soon as you walk in Children's Hospital there is something that scrambles a mothers brain and makes her incapable of having full thoughts haha)

Other than the surgery Nicky is doing well--I am adjusting to dealing with rude comments from strangers about his size as some of you might have seen on Facebook. Yes people are that ridiculous and dense...apparently some individuals are born with no social filter. A good friend recommended I use those comments as an opportunity to witness to those people..."Yes he is small, he is my miracle baby, let me tell you about the awesome work God has done in our lives" I guess I'm just not holy enough for that, or I am too cynical as I think of a bunch of not so Christian things I could say instead of thinking how can I turn this into an opportunity to witness. Guess that will be something else I can work on...

Long, LONG story short--I have alot of things I should be working on right now, and I think I am...so if I dont post for a while it will probably be because I am so busy working on these things ;-) but really...just add it to my mental to do list of things to work on which I think is the plight of being a stay at home mom though I wouldnt have it any other way.