Little Peanut

I hate that I only update my blog like once a month now....I would do it more often but honestly my life is pretty boring and I find I dont really have much to blog about other than Nicholas but I know that him doing something cute is much more exciting to me than it probably is to most people that being said...

He is so stinkin cute! I think I probably say that at least 10x's a day still, I wonder if I will ever get used to his cuteness or if I will always think he is unusually cute? He is doing pretty well--his 3 month stats are 8lbs, 20in. which is pretty good. He is still in the 0 percentile lol but his head circumference is on the charts :-) At his appointment today the dr. showed me his growth chart and he was on a great growth curve which aligned with the normal growth curve it was just below it (parallel to the "normal" curve though if that makes any sense). I was starting to be a little concerned because in the last 2 weeks or so Nicholas has been sleeping A TON!

I know, I know...what mom complains/worries about too much sleep? Well...I do haha He was sleeping from 10:30pm-8:30am (which was me waking him up at 8:30-he would have slept longer) I feed him and by 9am he is sleeping again until I wake him up at 12:30 and then by 1pm he is sleeping again then I wake him up at 3:30pm feed him and back to sleep again usually for about an hour or two then is up until 7:30 then he takes random 20 min cat naps between 7:30-10:30....so basically he spends way more time sleeping than being awake which I thought at first was just a growth spurt but in the last couple days he hasnt been eating as much at his feedings and he is very dissinterested in eating so I went ahead and called the pediatrician

We went today and all is well (he looks super healthy!) The pediatrician wasnt concerned about the sleep on its own only in combination with him eating less--basically we need to be fortifying his bottles of milk more than we already are (we were doing 1tsp of formula mixed in w/ every bottle of breastmilk now we need to do 2tsp of formula mixed in to every bottle) He needs to be eating about 18oz./day to maintain and gain weight so the pedi said as long as he is eating that amount I should just let him sleep when he wants to sleep

This is such a relief! I have really been struggling w/ my anxiety lately about Nicholas and his health. Its hard to differentiate between normal mommy worry and worry that is above and beyond---its like as soon as anything variates I assume its something serious and life threatening for example: with the sleeping stuff instead of thinking "oh he is sleeping more maybe its just a growth spurt or a phase" I think "He has some serious genetic condition and he is going to die"...literally I have these thoughts...not okay! I dont know if its because of all the pregnancy complications and him being so small still that I just go to the worst case scenario--and if it is because of the experiences in the past am I always going to be extra worried about his health for the rest of his life or will I ever feel like we are "out of the woods"? I dont know...maybe some other moms can chime in on this

I hate the anxiety and worry and not because it physically and emotionally is so horrible but because all I can think of is how incredibly SINFUL it is ugh! I hate that in my worrying I recognize I am being sinful yet I struggle with taking my thoughts captive--a good friend recommend in those times just have a running list going through what I am thankful for and man! I have a LOT to be thankful for! But then it makes me feel even worse because I think my worry=me doubting Gods sovereignty which is so horrible since God has been so good to me! He has blessed me, kept my child safe and healthy, He is just so faithful and here I am worrying still! You would think by now that I would know that God is in control of everything! It just scares me how much I love Nicholas because its so all encompassing...like nothing Ive ever experienced! The love for your child is something no one can prepare you for--that instant bond and overwhelming love is incredible...and scary :-)

So now that Nicholas is 3 months old he is changing so much everyday (at least it seems that way) he has great head control and loves to look around (he is incredibly nosy haha) he has come really really close to rolling over a few times and I swear once his arms are a little stronger he will be crawling because when hes on his belly his legs already like push his body forward and he wiggles across the floor--it is ridiculous to seem him do all these things (including the head control) because its like looking at a newborn doing these things! He amazes strangers who dont realize he is 3 months old haha and I'm okay not correcting them--let them think my newborn baby smiles on demand and holds his head up haha

hmmm...nothing really else going on, things are great, life is awesome and God is good :-) Oh here is a clip of a commercial I really enjoy because it is so ridic! The Coolest You'll Look Pooping Your Pants (and no its not vulgar) it makes me laugh everytime because I just think of little Nicholas walking in them haha