busy busy

I enjoy being busy because I like having things going on that I look forward too but I also hate feeling like I cant pause and enjoy the moment because there is always somewhere else to be...that being said this weekend felt so busy--Donnie has been working insane hours, I think he worked something like 115 hours in 9 days?! It is such a blessing that his company is doing so well, and of course his paychecks are awesome but I miss him, alot...I think Nicholas does too

Between him being gone at work for roughly 12 hours everyday by the time he gets home, we eat dinner, feed nicholas and put him down its time for bed already and then it happens all over again and heaven forbid our grass needs mowing because than we REALLY dont see Donnie--so when weekends come I want them to not be busy but this weekend felt packed

I had my 5 year high school reunion which is kind of weird to have and kind of weird that I went but I more just wanted an excuse to dress cute (meaning wear something other than jeans and a tshirt and flip flops) and feel like a "normal" 23 year old--Ursuline does all-school reunion kind of things like this reunion was for the class of 2005, 2000, 1995, 1990, 1985, 1980, etc. So its interesting (sidenote: it will be really fun because when I have my 10 year reunion my little sister will be having her 5 reunion at the same time!)--it started with mass and then a cocktail hour (naturally) then dinner, dancing etc. It was funny because even though the invitations were for alums and their spouses/significant others there werent really many men there (even for the older women) and the men that were in attendance looked like the boys at a UA high school dance--they were being dragged around by their wives, being used to take pictures and refill drinks haha it was really strange being back in the school even though it has physically changed alot

There was one distinct moment when I was in the restroom with all of my high school friends (the bathrooms hadnt changed a bit) and we were walking out into the hallway joking and I was like wow--I feel like nothing has changed and I am back in highschool...all I needed was my plaid skirt and I woulda been there. But really, since its only been 5 years not too much has changed--I recently got a letter in the mail, I wrote it to myself my senior year of high school and my teachers just mailed it--in the letter I wrote about where I wanted to be in 5 years and much to my surprise it was pretty acurate for my life. I wanted to be married to Donnie, check, (we started dating my jr. year of high school and I knew from our 1st date on that we were going to get married haha), I wanted to be graduated from college w/ a degree that enabled me to do some sort of counseling, check, I wanted to maybe have a child/be pregnant, check, My group of friends has somewhat changed but I still keep in touch with all of my friends from back then--in getting this letter it just reaffirmed how much I love my life and how happy I've been with all of my big life decisions

When looking at my high school friends I sometimes feel like the odd man out because I married my high school sweetheart, I have bills/mortgage to pay, I dont go out every night, I have a baby, I dont go on extravagent trips to vegas or L.A., etc. I just sometimes feel like I'm not normal for my age but then I look at Nicholas and Donnie and I wouldnt trade any of it for the world....I love my guys :-), I like that I am settled down--I enjoy more just hanging out w/ my husband and baby than going out and yes I had a blast at my reunion and going out afterward but I'm just not made for that lifestyle--my feet were killing me (I wore my little sisters 5 inch heels which I think caused permanent damage to my feet), I was tired, I'm too cheap to drink anything but beer, I came home and was exhausted and knew I pushed myself too far by staying out w/ my old high school friends and now 2 days later I am paying for it as I sit here sick on the couch

My life is so good though and has turned out infinitely better than what 18 year old me could have imagined--I think I should probably write myself a letter again now and hide it away for another 5 years--its fun to see what I was thinking and what my goals were and if I had achieved them...I think my life is actually only going to get more fun as time goes on and that "my old glory days" were not so much glory days haha

Little Peanut

I hate that I only update my blog like once a month now....I would do it more often but honestly my life is pretty boring and I find I dont really have much to blog about other than Nicholas but I know that him doing something cute is much more exciting to me than it probably is to most people that being said...

He is so stinkin cute! I think I probably say that at least 10x's a day still, I wonder if I will ever get used to his cuteness or if I will always think he is unusually cute? He is doing pretty well--his 3 month stats are 8lbs, 20in. which is pretty good. He is still in the 0 percentile lol but his head circumference is on the charts :-) At his appointment today the dr. showed me his growth chart and he was on a great growth curve which aligned with the normal growth curve it was just below it (parallel to the "normal" curve though if that makes any sense). I was starting to be a little concerned because in the last 2 weeks or so Nicholas has been sleeping A TON!

I know, I know...what mom complains/worries about too much sleep? Well...I do haha He was sleeping from 10:30pm-8:30am (which was me waking him up at 8:30-he would have slept longer) I feed him and by 9am he is sleeping again until I wake him up at 12:30 and then by 1pm he is sleeping again then I wake him up at 3:30pm feed him and back to sleep again usually for about an hour or two then is up until 7:30 then he takes random 20 min cat naps between 7:30-10:30....so basically he spends way more time sleeping than being awake which I thought at first was just a growth spurt but in the last couple days he hasnt been eating as much at his feedings and he is very dissinterested in eating so I went ahead and called the pediatrician

We went today and all is well (he looks super healthy!) The pediatrician wasnt concerned about the sleep on its own only in combination with him eating less--basically we need to be fortifying his bottles of milk more than we already are (we were doing 1tsp of formula mixed in w/ every bottle of breastmilk now we need to do 2tsp of formula mixed in to every bottle) He needs to be eating about 18oz./day to maintain and gain weight so the pedi said as long as he is eating that amount I should just let him sleep when he wants to sleep

This is such a relief! I have really been struggling w/ my anxiety lately about Nicholas and his health. Its hard to differentiate between normal mommy worry and worry that is above and beyond---its like as soon as anything variates I assume its something serious and life threatening for example: with the sleeping stuff instead of thinking "oh he is sleeping more maybe its just a growth spurt or a phase" I think "He has some serious genetic condition and he is going to die"...literally I have these thoughts...not okay! I dont know if its because of all the pregnancy complications and him being so small still that I just go to the worst case scenario--and if it is because of the experiences in the past am I always going to be extra worried about his health for the rest of his life or will I ever feel like we are "out of the woods"? I dont know...maybe some other moms can chime in on this

I hate the anxiety and worry and not because it physically and emotionally is so horrible but because all I can think of is how incredibly SINFUL it is ugh! I hate that in my worrying I recognize I am being sinful yet I struggle with taking my thoughts captive--a good friend recommend in those times just have a running list going through what I am thankful for and man! I have a LOT to be thankful for! But then it makes me feel even worse because I think my worry=me doubting Gods sovereignty which is so horrible since God has been so good to me! He has blessed me, kept my child safe and healthy, He is just so faithful and here I am worrying still! You would think by now that I would know that God is in control of everything! It just scares me how much I love Nicholas because its so all encompassing...like nothing Ive ever experienced! The love for your child is something no one can prepare you for--that instant bond and overwhelming love is incredible...and scary :-)

So now that Nicholas is 3 months old he is changing so much everyday (at least it seems that way) he has great head control and loves to look around (he is incredibly nosy haha) he has come really really close to rolling over a few times and I swear once his arms are a little stronger he will be crawling because when hes on his belly his legs already like push his body forward and he wiggles across the floor--it is ridiculous to seem him do all these things (including the head control) because its like looking at a newborn doing these things! He amazes strangers who dont realize he is 3 months old haha and I'm okay not correcting them--let them think my newborn baby smiles on demand and holds his head up haha

hmmm...nothing really else going on, things are great, life is awesome and God is good :-) Oh here is a clip of a commercial I really enjoy because it is so ridic! The Coolest You'll Look Pooping Your Pants (and no its not vulgar) it makes me laugh everytime because I just think of little Nicholas walking in them haha